By the time you reach your mid 20s or 30s, you’ve been through at least a handful of breakups. While it might seem like the worst experience ever each time you go through it, the lessons you learn from each heartache only aid you on your path to finding the right person for you. And though you might be burned, have resentments and wish you would have done things differently, when it comes to love that was lost (or never worked out), the healthiest thing you can do is to let go, focus on yourself, learn what you can and move on to someone who is a better fit.
But here’s the kicker: if you keep getting broken up with, instead of the other way around or a balance of being the breaker-upper and the heartbroken one, it’s important to take note of the trends. Every relationship is different, sure, but if you see trends where women continuously end things after a few months or a few weeks, then you might want to consider what’s happening.
We hate to be the ones to break it to you, bro, but when it comes to ending things, no one is ever fully honest about why they pulled the plug. If your exes haven’t been fully honest, it might be tough to make healthier choices in future relationships, but luckily for you, these women set the record straight. Here, they tell us why they said they broke up with him… and why they really did.
She Said: “I don’t think that we’re compatible in the long-term or want the same things.”
What She Meant: “I’m not satisfied with our sex life or your career, so I can’t see myself marrying you.”
For a relationship to really go the distance and lead to more committed experiences, like marriage and children, everyone has a line that they draw somewhere. For Lauren, she found herself in an uncomfortable situation where she really, really liked the guy but there were big red flags that kept her from falling in love. “He was sweet and kind, just how I had wanted in a partner, but there were other things that outweighed the good,” she said. What were those deal breakers? For one, their sex life was bad: “He couldn’t really maintain an erection or he would finish early… every single time we had sex. And when we tried to talk about it, he would shut down or let me know that ‘men weren’t robots.’ It wasn’t a productive conversation.” And another one? Lauren says her former BF didn’t focus or motivate himself in his career, so he was stuck in a low-paying job that he was overqualified for, at the age of 29. Those two things combined? Enough to end it, stat.
She Said: “I think we’re better off as friends!”
What She Meant: “I’m not turned on by you.”
For Monica, being in a relationship was a big deal. She wasn’t a serial monogamist, but a picky dater who really liked what she found when she finally found it. So when she discovered feelings for one of her best friends, she was excited to try out the relationship. But when they started having sex? It just wasn’t there. “I felt bad, he was a nice guy and all, but there wasn’t anything I could do — or he could do — to get turned on,” she explained. Ultimately, she had to cut it off and hope that they could remain friends.
She Said: “You seem like you have a lot going on and I don’t feel like a priority.”
What She Meant: “You work too damn much.”
It was a bittersweet ending for Heather, who really had fallen in love with a guy she met off of a dating app. At first, she rationalized that his busy schedule was just a way of taking the relationship slow and not spending endless time with one another. But as they made it official and were several months in, she grew annoyed that he was more attached to his iPhone than to her. “Seriously, the second he’d finish in bed, there was no snuggling or anything, he’d just reach for his phone to check his e-mails,” she said. “It was infuriating, and worst of all, he wouldn’t even own up to it.” Though they had several conversations about it, she put the relationship to bed after another couple of months. They still talk, but until his job settles down, she can’t imagine building a romantic future with him.
She Said: “I’m just not in the place where I want a relationship.”
What She Meant: “I don’t want a relationship with you.”
Regardless of what anyone says or does, whether they’re trying or not trying, talking about it or not, if the right person comes along, we’re all open to something serious. Timing be damned — when the real deal shows up next to you on a train or at the bar, you’re all ears and your heart suddenly becomes open. That’s why when Catherine broke up with her boyfriend after six months, she felt bad lying. “I really did want a relationship and he seemed like a great fit at first, but then as we got to know each other, I realized it would never work long-term. We were too different,” she explained. “But he was already 110 percent in, and I didn’t want to hurt his feelings.”