In today’s youth-focused culture, it’s easy to delay your adulthood. It might even be expected. It’s not uncommon to meet a middle-aged man who still smokes weed, dresses in sweat pants and spends all his spare time playing video games. Hell, I’ve dated men in their 40s still living with roommates or even with their parents.
Being a manchild is obviously unsexy, but many men who are adult in a lot of ways still exhibit boyish behavior — and it’s not always cute. I know that things like commitment and responsibility might seem boring when you have endless options to date and hookup with willing girls, but it’s also the little things that make you a man.
As a woman, it’s disappointing to meet and date men who might be handsome, accomplished and funny, but lack the maturity to know how to treat a woman.
Here are seven behaviors you need to lose if you want to be a man.
1. Insecurity And Competitiveness
Every woman has been in a relationship with a boy with a fragile ego who needs constant reassurance. Walking on eggshells will not lead to a serious relationship. Get over your insecurity and stop constantly one-upping your partner and putting her down to make yourself feel better. When your girlfriend succeeds it should make you proud, not threatened. A man is supportive and generous, and confident in his own abilities. He can take criticism and provide support for his partner when she needs it.
2. Inability To Communicate
The basis of any serious relationship is communication — but it can go a long way on a first date, too. Tell a girl what you think, tell her she’s beautiful, and if you love her, tell her. Don’t wait for her to say it. And don’t say you love her if you don’t mean it. Don’t say yes when you mean no. Think about what you want and talk to her about it. Listen to what she wants. Be honest and open and don’t hide your own emotions or be afraid of confrontation or uncomfortable conversations. It’s all part of growing up.
3. Being A Know-It-All
I know you’re smart and you know a lot of stuff. If I’m dating you I’m definitely interested in your opinions. But being a know-it-all isn’t sexy. I’d like to think I’m pretty switched on too, and constantly being corrected or having things explained to me isn’t fun. Why can’t we talk like equals? A man loves to be challenged, he loves a discussion or a political argument. And he can admit that he doesn’t know everything.
4. Obsessing Over Looks
When you’re a boy, you fantasize about the models in the lingerie catalog. When you start dating in your 20s, maybe you still have this one-dimensional idea of female beauty in your head. But real men understand there are a lot of things that make a girl beautiful — not just their bra size. When you’ve had a bit of experience — when you become a man — you realize that flaws are sexy because they belong to real women, and a real woman is sexier than your one dimensional fantasy.
Boys don’t know what they want. They don’t have careers, they don’t have goals, they don’t have serious relationships — because they can’t judge what’s important. When it comes to women, they’re usually just chasing hot girls or racking up notches in their belt. Men know what they want in a partner. They have a type and they recognize when they meet a good woman and they treat her with respect, not just empty flattery to get in her pants.
6. Deferring To Your Bros
Knowing who you are means having a philosophy in life. It means having values that guide your behavior. Without a philosophy, you’re just floating with the current. Often, this means bowing to peer pressure or caring too much what others think. A man doesn’t drift with the current. He doesn’t defer to his bros — especially when it comes to relationships. He knows what he wants and he will defend his choices, even when his peer group disagrees with them.
7. Not Caring About The Future
A man has a plan for his life, and a vision for where he wants to be in the future. He has goals, and he puts work into achieving them: financial goals, career goals, and most importantly relationship goals. When he commits to someone, he works to build a solid foundation for their future — whether that’s starting a family, a business or simply a long term relationship. Boys shy away from commitment and think only of themselves. They live for the moment, with only a vague thought for the future.