Have you ever noticed how there are men who don't even seem particularly good-looking or successful yet date gorgeous women? These guys possess true confidence. And before you start googling "most effective pickup lines" or try to act funny when it's not your style, remember that true confidence cannot be faked: It's like women have a radar for detecting it.
Everyone has insecurities. Being truly confident is not about never feeling insecure. It's about feeling comfortable in your own skin and not letting your insecurities prevent you from pursuing things. If the idea of approaching a woman — whether in person or on dating sites — gives you major anxiety, remember that confidence is something that can be built.
An anonymous user took to guyQ, AskMen's Q&A platform, to ask for advice on developing the confidence needed to approach women. GuyQ users had a lot of wisdom to offer. The following no-BS tips will help you finally build the self-confidence to go talk to her.
Practice On Non-Intimidating Women
Ask [women you are not attracted to] first. Seriously. If you don't have any skin in the game, it's a lot easier to let loose and do it. You'll also have the opportunity to work on your conversational skills, because I really hope your goal is not to eventually be able to approach girls willy-nilly and ask for their digits.
Talk to unattractive women. Get used to that interaction and gradually start working your way up to the ones you like.
Work On Your Conversation Skills
Work on your general conversation skills. Practice starting conversations with anyone and everyone, without any motive to date them or ask them out.
You could start by just saying hello to girls as you walk along a down town street.
You don't have to start a conversation, just a "Hi" and a smile and don't break your stride. If you are at a fast food place getting anything and a girl waits on you, smile and say "Thanks", and then take your leave.
This may sound "too simple" but make a habit of it. In time those girls you are around more frequently, like the girl(s) at the Fast Food place…make a few remarks when you order…..like…."What's good" as you look at the menu. Get her to make a suggestion and you'll probably get her to engage in a brief chat. (I wouldn't do this at a busy rush hour Lunch….but more as an after school thing.
But as you begin to do these things and not take it too seriously (and leave asking them for their phone number off the table at first) Just get comfortable with stepping up to say hello and being friendly…….and doing this in different places around your town. Don't be too common in any one area when you do this.
This little exercise will help you build some confidence. Keep your conversations brief, and light.
Stop Trying To Act Cooler Than You Are
Just be yourself, my friend. It's really up to the woman anyway.
Accept Rejection As Part Of The Game
The truly self-confident guy may make an approach on a girl and even if she rebuffs him, he will just move away, like to another bar or club or part of town, before trying his luck again. Learn to count your ratio of accepts to rejects.
The first thing to know is that rejection isn't personal. It's usually a result of things you have absolutely no control over. The second thing to know is that most women don't like most men. This means that regardless of your game or lack thereof, most of the time you will be rejected. A 1 in 10 success rate for cold approaches isn't bad at all. The third thing to remember is that rejection is meaningless. Would you care if a random guy you didn't know decided he didn't particularily like you? No? Then why would the opinion of a woman you don't know matter?
Get Out Of Your Comfort Zone In General
Work out and lift heavy. Endorphins and testosterone are good for your mental state and muscles will make you more attractive. Pick some fears and weaknesses and conquer them. Afraid of heights? Take a rock climbing course. Not a good public speaker? Read up on techniques to be better and join toast masters. Learn a martial art. The discipline and nature of the activity will make you mentally and potentially physically tougher.
Why not work out, build a body and let them come talk to you?
Having more confidence in how you look breeds more confidence in how you talk to females.